Twas the GP before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land
all the practices were open, even at GP at Hand

The vaccines were put away by the nurses with care
In the hopes that they wouldn’t soon be needed next year.

The children all nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of TickTok danced in their heads.

Mom with washed hands and dad’s coated in alcohol gel
as everyone settled in for the upcoming Christmas by Teams hell

When my phone on the placemat started buzzing, with such a jitter
It must be something breaking on that there Twitter

Away to the desk I flew in a flash
grabbing the phone to check on the latest doctor bash

Omicron spread across the land like wildfire
Despite vaccination efforts everywhere including the Shire

Christmas parties are canceled until we don’t know when
Hold, on is that party music I hear from Number 10?

The news of ambulance queues filled my timeline
Hospitals overflowing following the latest NHS redesign

Our hospitals buckle, their staff must be tired and battered
I think of the district nurses and pharmacy teams just as shattered

When what to my wandering eyes should foresee
The latest comments about the ‘lazy’ GP

As a lone working doc, still at the practice this night trying to clear the work and get it all right.

Using every system around to answer the demand question
Hear their names, who gets a mention?

On accuRx or eConsult,
or is it engage consult
Do I use EMIS with Mjog, but I want X-on,
still loads of Docman, but not on SystmOne.
Praise for Ardens, Eva, and Primary Care IT,
do I need to think about Klinik or AskmyGP?
Patients know best when Doctors care anywhere
Livi is around even with Push Doctor everywhere

Whichever system I use I am still here so late
Wondering how did healthcare get to this state?

With failed promises of 6000 additional GPs
An under-funded system and bureaucratic monitoring such as CQC

It is no wonder General Practice is under such pressure
If this carries on, i’l be going out on a stretcher

I leave a message for another patient, grrrr another missed call
As the media replies demanding face-to-face appointments, face to face for all!’

Then the health secretary comes on to the news
demanding patients should see the GP how they may choose

The BMA and RCGP speak up and shout
with some GPs wondering if they have any Klout

I ponder the question about the PCN DES
wondering if I can believe anything NHS England says

That the workforce will help and change primary care
Well, for some they have been doing more than their fair share.

With various roles of health and wellbeing coaches, physician associates, and pharmacists,
Social link workers, paramedics, and physiotherapists

A few more roles add extra support
but it seems like our workforce will always be short.

We need more people for primary care to last
But to find innovative ways check out the General Practice podcast

My eyes are getting tired at the screen I glare
Wondering if this is the business of healthcare

An email pings up tax deadline is here, it is not funny
I better check out the latest on Medics Money

Another alert pops up reminding me of my appraisal
It is enough to make anyone feel unstable

Which platform was easiest to use?
Clarity, Fourteen Fish, or GP tools?

To keep up to date I might need to be radical
Like a course by Arora Med, Red whale or NB medical

But then comes an idea from the flying doctors and Zog
Wait, stop it, leave work, you are not a frog!!

And then with a knocking, I heard at the door
Who on earth is still here, I am not sure

As I turned my head around far too quick
I saw standing there the practice manager Nic

Nic was dressed all in fake fur from head to foot
And her clothes were all tarnished with dust and she looked kaput

A printer carried in the crook of Nic’s arm
And she gave me a look that threatened some harm

She said it’s eight pm on this wet Christmas eve
It is time to go home, you need to leave.

I tried to object, why I don’t know
But Nic made it clear it was time to go go go

I switched off the computer and turned off the light
Wondering if anyone can get this job right?

I dusted my car from all the snow
As Nic drove past in a shimmering glow

Then I heard Nic exclaim, ‘ere she drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to our NHS, and to all a good night!”

Music alternatives Canon and Variation by Twin Musicom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. Artist:

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